Who needs sex when you ride a bike

I had a thought the other day....

How similar cycling is to having sex (or not having it).

Im going to write this in a clean matter so only those with a mind like mine will be able to pick out exactly what it is im trying to get across.




For example:

Riding- the most obvious of positions if you are talking about being on a bike. Positioning yourself correctly on the saddle can be quite a pleasurable experience. However, if the seat is the wrong height or to far forward or back, it can give you all sorts of irritations.

Standing- standing on a bike or of course in the bedroom (kitchen?) can give you enough strength to power through a long climb. Its a good resting position from riding as it allows you to stretch out your legs before reaching the climax of the hill (or of course....)

Getting into a tuck position- ok now were talking! Getting in the tuck position gives you speed and control! It can make you feel free as a bird as you feel the wind wizz through your hair ( :-/) and remind you of the hard work you have done to reach the top of your first climb of the day.

The long ride- generally reserved for weekends when you have a bit more time. The long ride is usually in stages. It has plenty of riding, standing and hopefully tucking. You can stop for cake (or a much needed energy drink) and start again as if youve never been off. There are plenty of hills but sometimes the longer the ride the harder it can be to get to the top. By the end you may find that sometimes you may have to get off and give the bike a little push. It will defiantly require a shower after and usually a long quite lie down (unless of course your 20, but then again they normally dont last through a long ride)

The short ride- the before or after work ride. Short rides are generally the most popular between cyclists that have busy jobs or children. Sometimes a quick spin can be liberating! It can still keep you fit enough to enjoy the longer rides on the weekend and keep you in touch with your bike. These are the rides where your able to fix any mechanicals you may be experiencing and allow yourself to discover a quick route to reaching those sought after endorphins we require to keep a smile on our faces.

The commuter- This is what all cyclists aspire to be. Not only do you get to ride everyday to and from work, you also get to have longer rides on the way home. Commuters also generally go for long rides on the weekends. They are super fit, have great stamina and can go for hours without requiring a break. They plan their holidays around riding and take very good care of their bikes.

It happens to everyone- Have you ever got so excited about getting out on your bike? You have spent all day thinking about it. Cooped up in the office your mind is on little else. You are not a commuter so you take that souless train ride home and get in the house salivating at your beautiful bike sat in the corner. She (he) has never looked so inviting. You very quickly get yourself into (out of) your gear, prepare that important drink, swallow a gel and grab your bike. You swing open that door ready to mount your saddle and...... FOR FUCKS SAKE! ITS PISSING DOWN! You are so deflated and rejected. Why!!!! All you could think about all day was how brilliant this was going to be! And now its fucking raining! It could have happened on the way home on the train, that wouldn't have mattered, as long as the sun came out by the time you got home. There are some who wouldn't give up, they would ride in the rain. But thats not enjoyable for anyone. Its soggy and wet, usually cold and all your gonna do is limp around feeling sorry for yourself. You throw in the towel, make yourself a cup of tea and sink into the sofa. Tomorrow, you will try again.

The weekend warrior-generally more common with mountain bikers, the weekend warrior is one of those who saves themselves for their days off. They will then go crazy, they ride hard and ride all weekend. Although not the fittest of cyclists (usually have a beer gut) they always get a ride in. Generally there is allot of up and down with the weekend warrior as they always want to get their fix before Sunday night. They are fast and furious and take no prisoners. Single woman generally like these weekend warriors as they are generally guaranteed a good ride.

The lone rider- We have all been there, a time in our cycling lives when we have no friends. This doesn't mean you cant enjoy cycling, sometimes it can be more fulfilling then riding with someone. You can go for as long or as short of a ride as you like. You get to pick your route with no one to argue with. Positioning though is equally as important for the lone rider as you do not want to get hurt (there is no one there to help you if you get stuck) Lone riders are very good at polishing their bike and always have toys to ensure that if they break down it can be easily fixed.

The sprinter- the most selfish of the riders the sprinter always wants to get to the line as quickly as possible and needs to be 1st!

The domistique- my personal favorite. The domistique will wok very hard to ensure you have a great ride and they get pleasure out of ensuring that their team mate gets everything they require. If their teammate doesn't win, they feel as if they haven't done their job.

The tandem- The good thing about tandems is that both parties have to do equal parts work to get the movements right. Although it looks easy to do its generally not. It takes a special kind of rider to pull this off without an argument. The best thing about the tandem is that because there is double the power the hills you tend to climb can be twice as long,and reaching the top can be a equally shared experience.

The Bi-Cyclist- rides both a road bike and a mountain bike and enjoys them equally. They will generally slide towards one bike more then the other for ease but they always cant wait to get on the other bike. They have allot of fun, are fit, and their calenders are usually full of all types of rides they enjoy with their friends.

Group rides- more then one can be fun! A whole group.... well thats an experience to behold!


I could go on and on. But writing has made my feel rather tired, almost like Ive been riding my bike all day! So whilst you have a read, Im gonna have a nap. Short rides for me tomorrow and Friday, because I have some long ones planned for the weekend.