6 becomes 4 but I managed the C2C

On May 18th, 19th and 20th myself and a lovely group of ladies rode from Whitehaven to Tynemouth Castle, to some its an easy 3 days of bike riding, to me it was one challenge that I hoped I could complete.

For those that don't know I suffer from a rare chronic pain condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. It effects my left wrist, hand, palm and up to my elbow. It is a neurological condition that will never go away. So everyday I am in pain, on a good day it feels like I have just fallen off my bike and slammed my hand on the pavement, on a bad day, like every bone in my hand is broken. Even a change in temperature or a light breeze can cause pain. So riding a bike can sometimes be a bit of a challenge.

I love cycling, and so despite the pain, I ride my bike, but some days it can get a little much. So 3 days of riding an average of 50 miles a day, was never going to be comfortable but it was going to be brilliant.

A great thing about the C2C is the people you meet along the way. As most are going the same way, with their own reasons for doing so, there is always conversations to be had. People are not only friendly but supportive and the atmosphere in the cafes and pubs along the way are incredible.

We started with 6, one who was only riding with us on the first day, from Whitehaven to Slaidburn. The biggest and hardest part of the day would be Whinlatter. If you do the C2C I would recommend the main road, the C2C one is a pain in the ass!A quick  stop at the cafe at the top and then a bloody freezing descent into Keswick. And then of course it pissed down, oh goody. Somewhere near the pub at Greystoke we lost two, one went to find them whilst I was lucky enough to get to the pub for my tea.

The two were eventually found and the three of us lucky to make it to the pub ate a meal with three lovely lads and headed to the house for much needed showers and to get out of my soggy lycra.

Day 2 Slaidburn to Ninebanks Youth Hostel.

Another has to head home after the effects of a migraine just proved a bit to difficult to carry on. This was the day I was looking forward to, we had Hartside climb to enjoy. Although I didn't quite get my own way as I wanted to start from the very bottom of the climb, a compromise was made and we started in between the actual start and the actual C2C way . Just before the start to Hartside a minor problem occurred, a chain brakes and a puncture, and of course none of us actually had a quick link, and in a rather sleepy town no one was actually  around to help. Fortunately for us, we had just stopped for lunch at a friends of one of the riders and they volunteered to take two to Penrith to get everything sorted whilst two of us set off. Let this be a lesson to you, bring a fucking quick link with you at all times; that reminds me....

I loved Hartside by the way, the ride to the Ninebanks youth hostel, I did not.

Day 3 Ninebanks to Tynmouth Castle.

Ran into the three lads we met in the pub on the first night and rode with them for sometime. A lovely group of lads who used to ride together but life has just got in the way recently. 25miles of climbing, and actually a bit of bite you in the ass climbs too! But at the top, it meant the next 35 would be flat or all down hill. I've never ever had the pleasure of 35miles of big ring riding, its a pleasant change from small ring climbing and great to hit speeds of 20miles and hour without even trying on flats. Usually a max of 12 miles is what I'm used to. It was at the finish that you realize how much you have accomplished. With friends to greet you at the end,a bit of cake and champagne, you celebrate 155 miles, mechanicals, illnesses and pain.

I was in pain for the majority of the three days, but none of that really matters at the end, because when you finish you realize that despite the pain, when you find something you love its rather impossible to stop you.

Loss of a friend and the gain of an enemy

Its been sometime since I wrote a blog. Its been quite a tough ride for a few months and I guess I just didn't feel the need to pen my thoughts.

I've had a few personal issues that I have decided not to include in my blog. But I am learning how to be patient, forgive and not to blame myself for everything that has occurred.

I lost a very good friend in October. Dave Hargrave 23.2.75-17.10.11 or to the twitter folk @roadbikedave

He was amazing, there aren't enough words in the English dictionary to describe the type of person he was, but I'm most certain that Dave would be the one to make such a word up, and then DM me it. Dave's death shook me more then I thought it would. It scared me to know that life can be taken so quickly, without warning. But it also woke me up from my bubble and that was a good thing.

Dave was the happiest person I knew. So full of positivity for everything and always in the mood to spread laughter, love and passion where ever he was. I feel that it is now my job to ensure his life wasn't waisted, so I now and trying to live life like he did. But oh how hard it can be to get there. When tears are easily shed how does one leave all that has happened behind and learn to smile through everything. I guess the answer lies in each day I get out of bed, it becomes easier to smile and to feel the love and support that the new friends in my life give.

The other thing I have Dave to thank for is the most amazing friends that he brought me. Especially Craig and Andrew, the Northern boys with the biggest hearts, who bring a smile to my face everyday, and to Anthony, who has taken over Dave's job of ensuring that I ahve some pleasant DMs to get me through the day.

Dave's passion for the bike and his love for completing some long, strenuous and in my words, crazy fucking rides, has been kept going by people like Paul and Craig, who continuously now enter more Sportives that I know Dave will be riding with them, the entire way, and most likely kick their asses doing it.

I think Dave would be proud to know that we all are living life the best we can, still wearing Assos and still staying far away from Campagnolo.

Another thing that has happened recently is a bit of a twitter feud, a girl who has upset myself and my dear friend. I'm not even sure why it started or why I was so upset by the comments that were being made. But it wasn't just the comments it was the way it was done, like she was going through our followers and then following them herself. It really upset me when a few weeks ago she started retweeting a ride that some friends were trying to arrange for Dave. It felt like nothing was sacred. Like she was trying to pry her way into our lives, our personal ones. And although it was very nice to mention Dave it just felt, well a bit like an intrusion.

I was also the way she kept mentioning things to my friend although it clearly upset her, knowing that she would get a reaction. Well when you poke someone with a sharp stick enough, eventually they will slap you. And then when she had caused that reaction, she would shout that she was being abused and bullied. It is wrong on so many levels, to beat someone down, until eventually they find it almost impossible to get up. Maybe she doesn't even realise the grief she is causing, but then again, maybe, if she would listen, she might realize.

I know I shouldn't let these things upset me, maybe this is when I miss Dave the most, because he would have already left me some meaningful DM something so inspirational that this thing would just roll off me as easy as my tears can fall. But I care about the safety and happiness of my friends so much, that I feel the need to make sure they aren't left feeling upset, depressed or victimised.

It is Dave that I think of at this time. What would he do, or say. How would he react in this situation? Maybe those who loved him have the answers for me. Or maybe not. But I feel like I need this to be over, because I feel that I don't want to make Dave's positive outlook for life a waste. I want to make sure that everyday I do my best to live as positively and happily as I can, to carry on the best gift that Dave could give, to continue to live my life in the moment, the best I can and with plenty of love and laughter.

I don't know why it has taken me so long to write this blog, maybe it was the fact that when I did it meant that I was actually going to really have to say good bye, And maybe it also meant that I was really going to have to start my life, the way it should be lived.

So I will say my final good bye to Dave, thank him for his inspiration, his love and his support.

And I will also say goodbye to the lady who feels it necessary to try and upset me. Because at the end of the day, I think, that's what Dave would have done.

ten things that really annoy me about cycling

10. Yellow shoes in the Peleton: OMG! FFS! I really really dont like yellow shoes. I really dont know why, but for some reason they irrate me more then a rash in my special place. And why is it that the ones that wear them always seem to have really big feet? its like bananas with speedplay cleats. Oh and might I add, I really dont like bananas either!

9.Unwanted coaches: There are times when you really want advice, when your stuck on that last climb, or when you just cant seem to get any energy, or you have pain, or you need a new pair of shoes. But its the ones who are constantly in your bloody face, forcing their suggestions down your throat. Or the ones who never believe you when you say you are unable to do something. They have these stupid, annoying, everything is roses and rainbows, type of positive attitdue that you just want to throw up all over them. When I want advice I will ask. When I dont I wont. And unless you ride with me and know my style and my abilities you have no fucking right to shove your suggestions down my throat (oh that felt good!) (rant over?)

8.Wind: I hate riding in the wind. There is that cycling myth, Im sure made up by people who have been cycling for 100 years and are positive it exists- the tail wind. Im sorry to disappoint but the tail wind is about as believable as big foot. Some swear they have experienced it but rarely is it proven. For some reason you are riding into a head wind the whole way. Even if you are doing a loop it still seems to be in your face. Its as if you change direction, so the wind does as well. maybe the wind hates cyclists, or maybe it just hates me.

What ever the story is, its bloody irratating. And if I hear "riding in the wind only makes you stronger" one more time...

7. Cars parked in cycle lanes: There are barely any cycle lanes around, so riding home and coming across this. Clearly not loading anything (apart from their fat ass in the chinese) and just being all around lazy! And then they have radio programs based on cyclists and why we dont ride in cycle
lanes!Well besides the giant metal lumps that sit in them, glass, bottles, rubbish, oh and the ever present drains, manhole covers, and dog shit. I think that is enough reasons really. So why have them? Surely a Council can waste money doing something else that is just as useless. The only things cycle lanes seem to do is give drivers an excuse to push you towards the curb.

6. Non Pro cyclists in full team kit: Yes I know, some really nice people wear pro team jerseys

etc, I dont mind a jersey but its more when they wear full

bloody kit and are surely not a pro. Its the people who are a XXXL complaining they cant find

team jerseys in their size??? Hmmm I wonder why? Pro kit looks fantastic in a peleton, on someone like Mark Cavendish or Tom Boonen. But even worse is those who wear the World Champion stuff. Its nice but its for the world champions not for Joe Blow riding his Dawes in the local sportive. I understand that some want to support their favourite team, one item of team kit is acceptable, but if your going to wear the kit, make sure you can live up to it.

5. Potholes!!: Maybe its time the council stopped spending money on green paint and instead fill

these bloody brain rattling, teeth shattering, piss your pants holes in the fucking road! I am being totally

serious here, these things are bloody dangerous and more irratating then an itchy hemmeroid. There is no excuse for these monsters on the

roads. I am not joking when I say that some of these potholes are big enough to lose your virginity in! At least in this photo shown, someone was kind enough to stick a traffic cone in front of it, but most dont and when you hit them you really can feel your brain rattle in your skull!

4. Cafe legs: Good rides out should have cafe stops. There is nothing better then knowing half way through a ride that there will be cake! You get to the cafe, choose your cake, and coffee (tea) (coke) and settle down for 30 min or so and gossip. You deserve the little rest, you have pedalled hard to

get here. But then ..... you get back on the bike, and off you go, settle into the rest of your ride, and your legs just dont work???? Bloody cafe legs!! I dont know what happens, you think that your legs would be greatful for the rest. I think in spirit the legs stay at the cafe, enjoying a nice feet up position,when in body you struggle to get up the tiniest of

anthills. So you would think that you would learn that cafe legs are no fun, and not have a cafe stop, right? Ha Ha as if,what excuse would you have then for a shit performance?

3. The know everything about cycling person:

This generally comes in male form and they THINK they know everything there is to know about cycling. Even David Harmon and Sean Kelly dont pretend they know everything and they bloody know quite allot! Even worse,

even when their wrong they dont give in, and god forbid you call them on it!! Jesus you might as well dig your own grave. If you decide to point out their wrong they will do everything in their power to point out your every flaw. They are the biggest tossers of the cycling community and if they work in the industry can be the sole reason why some people get put off by cycling. They are generally bullies that make fun of other people efforts and would steal their best friends ideas and present it as their own if they thought it would make them look good. These types of people deserve to hit potholes.

2. The one who has to be different: They search far and wide for cycling equiptment, bikes etc that no one has heard of then waffle off some shit, boring, unrealistic stats about their kit. they couldnt ride Specialized or Treks (good enough for half of the peleton) because in their minds it is conforming to the masses. Most of the time they cant pronounce the name of their bike manufacturer, or most likely dont know its probably made in the same factory as their enemy's (known brand bikes) The best thing about these cyclists is they generally arent very fit because instead of spending their time riding they are to busy searching for unknown brands, that means you can easily drop them on a climb and leave them to ride by themselves.

1. Ladies Pink kit: When you are a little girl you are forced into a world of pink, flowery, swirly crap. Your first bike was most likely some sort of pink, princess bike and you probably had pigtails

with ribbons tied around them. But now I am in my 30s andIi really dont like being forced pepto bismal colours down my throat. I know I have

mentioned this a few times in the past, but I just wish people would listen. I want quality kit, just like men get. I dont want skirts and short shorts, vest tops, jerseys with one measily fucking pocket. I want waterproof shorts, tops that fit my largest chest, shorts that fit over my ass, in normal colours. Please.

Live to ride

Its been a while since I last published a post on my blog. I have been meaning to write about my experience of attempting 30 days of biking in April, but after yesterdays fatal crash in the Giro and the death of Wouter Weylandt my thoughts have been redirected.

Its made me think about the impact cycling has had on my life and the reasons why I appreciate it so much.

Being a cyclist is being part of something very special. I feel as if I belong to a community built on support, appreciation and passion. You become intertwined with people and you feel the impact just as strong when something happens within the community.

You grow everyday, inside this large team of riders and we all try to protect each other from harm. We give advice to those who ask (and even to those who don't), and we always get encouragement to better ourselves.

Whilst cycling you try to achieve more and more and even when you succeed at one thing, there is always something bigger or better to challenge us. And along the way you are never alone.

Cycling has made me a better person, I feel more relaxed, more full of life and I couldn't be more proud to belong to a sport that encourages such teamwork. I ride for a various amount of reasons, maybe to relieve the stresses of the day, to socialise with my friends, to get fitter, to get out in the sunshine, to enjoy a challenge, discover new territory, meet new people and to feel more alive.

On such a day that one in the community falls, everyone stops to remember, the reasons why cycling is such a big part of our lives and why we are the luckiest people in the world to be a part of it.

What do woman want?

I started my new job this week, one of my roles is to find industry reviews on cycling products we sell and input them onto the website. I have spent my week looking through cycling magazines and online review sites.

It dawned on me that there are very few reviews for woman's kit, possibly as there is very few woman's kit on offer anywhere.

It is starting to improve though. At least there is more then one pair of shorts on offer on the various websites.

Last year I visited the cycle show in London and asked various suppliers about the amount/type of woman's specific items they were selling/creating. My responses were generally not to helpful and sometimes just plain rude.

So why is it that bike companies still aren't supplying a decent variety of kit?

I did ask at work what kind of issues they were having when it came to woman specific items, what are they stocking, what sells, and why. It was an interesting reply. They get woman's kit in, it doesn't sell. They put a forum up on the website asking woman what they are looking for and they got no response, their customer base is mostly male.

So where are the woman spending their money? What type of kit do they want? Do woman not shop online because they would rather go shopping in a store, make a day of it with their girlfriends? (I bloody wouldn't) Do they only want to buy cheap tack? Do they really like pink and flowery? What the hell do woman want?

Its an ongoing issue and one that baffles me. I spend money on good kit because its what works. I prefer woman's specific kit if possible because its made to fit over my chest and backside. I don't like pink, or flowers and I want to have the same amount of selection as men do. But am I the only one?

If woman aren't willing to spend the money on kit then why would a company waste money making or selling it.

What do woman really want?

my dream ride

Ive been studying the relationship of the teams in the pro peloton for a couple of years. Watching the classics and the tours closely to see how the teams work together to ensure the ride is safe, fast and their man wins.

Its the beauty of the sport, the family that is created around one rider to ensure that they are on the podium.

Even the slower riders have their place.

Occasionally riders will invariably fall off the back. A climb beyond their capabilities, a pace just a bit to fast, an injury or illness, or just a bad day. But their job within the family is not forgotten, and at then end of the day they all get on the same bus and head back to their hotels, together.

The thing to remember is that the ones that fall off the back are never alone, and many times team mates are sent back to bring their rider back into the group, or, their is always another rider with the same issues at their side, team cars, police and a broom wagon, just in case.

Its the peloton that inspires the type of ride I think I love. A group, working together, to keep everyone within an arms reach. To ensure that every rider is safe and secure within their own peloton, no matter how small it is. Where riders pull each other along and motivate each other. Where a pace is set that most can cope with, and if one flags and drops off the back, someone is there to ensure they to are safe.

Its the type of ride that can inspire every kind of rider to stay on their bikes, to continue to ride and one day, to be the one who is helping the slower rider back into the middle of the peloton.

Still learning

I almost, yes almost, made it through the month of February without any serious tantrums, it was going so well until the mountain bike ride on Sunday 27th. 5 min into the trail, and off I go, landed on a rock and put a wee dent in my knee, although it felt as if someone had crushed my knee cap with a hammer!!!!

FFS!!! Learning to ride a bike has its drawbacks.

So what do I need to successfully learn how to ride a bike properly?

Mountain Bike wise, Im thinking knee pads may be a good investment? Already a proud owner of elbow pads, and a new helmet after my previous tumble, maybe I will add knee pads to my attire. Actually, if anyone has any spare cotton wool, I could always just wrap myself up, then you can just push me down the hill.

Then maybe there is the fact that I need more practice, "practice makes perfect" so they say, absolute fucking bollocks!!! Could you imagine a perfect mountain biker?? Well I guess if they were saying perfect looking, but then Im already gorgeous so I dont need to work any more at that (as if) But yes, I need to get out a bit more, on trails I can trust aren't going to chew me up and spit me out.

I think the most important thing I need when riding the mtb is just some more confidence. Every time you fall you lose it for a little while, and to be honest, every time I encounter a steep descent I still pee my pants a little. But I still enjoy getting on the mtb and I do know that one day I will be flying down the hills laughing rather then crying.

Road Bike wise, Im not quite sure what I need. Last year I thought it was a carbon bike, and yes, it did help. Some people may say its not the bike but the person who is pedalling, I think their just sad people without carbon :) Oh and might I add you also need SIDI shoes to go with said bike.

I then thought, maybe I needed people to ride with, so I went on twitter, I found people, I rode with people and I enjoyed myself. But sometimes the frustrating thing about riding with people as that the majority are faster, and better climbers. And yes, I know, its good to ride with people better then you, its supposed to be challenging (something like that anyways) And the people I have ridden with have been pretty brilliant and patient, but it can make me feel worse when I know their waiting for me, or riding very slow so I can keep up.I know they dont mean to make me feel that way, thats just my own insecurities.

But really I think I just need to get my fat ass off the sofa and ride my bike. My lovely carbon bike, still in the shed until the muck spreading, hedge trimming and salting disappears. Only a few more weeks on the winter bike and I will feel nothing but light air between my thighs. (hmmm not sure thats the best way to describe it) But yes, ride my bike, lots, and you know what, if Im slower then everyone else, its either because Im riding behind boys that look delicious in their Lycra, Ive got a bit transfixed with the view, Ive got cake, or I may have just fallen off (in that case can you come back and help me up please)

When did it become so complicated

Or maybe I should be asking, Why did it get so complicated?

I started out with a Giant Avail, just to see how I liked riding, turns out its pretty brilliant, so I treated myself to my shiny carbon Roubaix with aspirations of fabulous summer rides with friends, good cake stops and maybe even a few beers.

Its not quite like that is it.

I am lucky to live in such a beautiful area of England, just at the edge of the Lakes and beautiful scenery only 10 min by bike away. But living in the Lake District also has its challenges. Its not the easiest place when new to riding. Getting up the hills is just as much a mental strength then a physical one and Im not to good at either, to be honest.

And then theres the fabulous summer rides. Do I have to remind you of where I live again? Rain, rain, rain, rain,rain, rain,, oh and guess what? Yep, you've guessed it, rain. We still go out, in between showers and hope we stay dry, but its not the picture I had originally painted.

And then there's the question of fitness. I really thought I would be riding for a few months and feel the benefit, not feel like I was going backwards. One step forward, 100 steps back. But no one else I ride with has this issue, hence I get even more frustrated with myself, especially when I really want to catch up and be able to ride beside them, not behind.

So Im really trying to prepare myself for this summer, trying to get some good rides in, and throwing in a few climbs so I can ride with my friends this summer and enjoy myself. I even considered entering a few sportives just to test my fitness and give me a challenge, as well as something to work towards. (After today's, twitter conversation, I may now actually be put off taking part in any sportives)

But Im beginning to wonder when it stopped being about riding, when I started getting to the point where Im brought to tears because I couldn't get up a climb, or my average speed isnt as fast as I wanted it too. Maybe it was at the same time that a sportive became a race, and doing 25 miles wasn't really a ride. When did it become so complicated???

My type of rider

As discussed in earlier blogs, I am learning how to ride a bike, and the more time I spend in the saddle the more I learn, sometimes the more I question as well.

But I am definatly learning the type of riders there are and where I fit into the mix.

So first, I guess I should explain what I mean by "types" of riders.

Today I will concentrate on the Roadies, Mountain Bikers will come at a later date.

So we have firstly:

The Racer- oh you know the ones, slimmer, faster, meaner then any of the roadies. The ones who speed past you when your just riding to the supermarket. They wear team kit all of the bloody time, except when its dirty, then its Assos and Gore all the way. They ride for miles, work part time, drink espresso, carb load, hang out with other racers and have skinny girlfriends with big breasts.

The Mile Junky- 20 miles is a ride around the block to these lot. They must ride everyday, and if they dont finish off the week with a long, long ride its because they have the shits. They ride no matter what the weather and their partners would forget they're around except for the pile of washing in the basket. They also carb load, but dont shy away from cake if there is a cafe placed about 50 miles in. They ride alone a lot, mainly because the rest cant fucking keep up! They usually belong to a club and are almost always in the front of the pack.

The Trainer- train, train, train, train. Increase stamina, increase miles, increase heart rate, decrease heart rate, lose weight, gain weight, diet, drink special drinks, eat special food, spend loads of money on gadgets, document every fucking little thing, including the size, shape and smell of their bowel movements and the colour of their wee.They know everything you need to know to make your bike lighter, faster, more comfortable and more expensive. They are all about the bike. Im not quite sure what they are training for though??? But they are fit and if the weather is really bad, you will find them on the turbo/rollers or in the gym.

The All Talk- knows everything, knows everyone, talks shit, rarely ever gets on the bike. They always have an excuse, to busy, injured, bike being fixed, hungover, sick, working, or even watching on tv. They have an opinion about every rider, bike, or piece of kit. They walk into their local bike shop, shouting out the names of all the staff, and rarely buy anything because, well, they dont need anything if there not riding. They tell stories about a ride they did in 1995 or about when they met Lance Armstrong. Oh I think they need help.

The Leisure Rider- The ones who NEVER wear a helmet. I cant work them out. They obviously enjoy cycling and are the reason why trouser clips are still on the market. They ride lovely shopping or leisure bikes but dont feel the need for cycling kit at all. But why?? I kinda like them because they seem so happy just to plod along, enjoy the view and the sunshine and they dont need to spend money to get on a bike.

The Pick n Mix- The ones who are happy just to be on a bike, long rides, short rides, cake rides, shopping rides. They ride nice bikes, they spoil themselves with one or two great pieces of kit, then shop discount for everything else. They may partake in sportives and club rides but aren't going to set any record times. They are the ones who watch races and cheer with the biggest smiles on their faces, mainly because they are thinking, thank fuck it isnt me, but they secretly daydream that their stood at the top of the TDF podium (or at least that their shagging the winner)

I think I aspire to be a Pick n Mix but sometimes I stress out a bit to be one. I constantly want to be better then I am, and put myself down for not being faster and fitter. But Im learning and now that I know what type of rider I want to be, maybe it will be easier for me to get there.

Shap. Angels, Crashes and new friends

Well Funky February is in full swing, although not as funky as I first thought. I decided that maybe this year, I would try to tame the funk.

It started just as normal, with tears and tantrums. Feeling so sorry for myself and wondering why life was treating me this way. Crying for hours (one whole day in fact) for no apparent reason. Yep, I was feeling the fuckin funk.

But then... after friends (twitter peeps) lent their ears and emails, February was beginning to shrink in size.

Then there were the girls.

I love the people that I have met over the year, and I love my best friend (you know who you are) but there is something great about having girl friends. And girls who cycle just kick fucking ass! Any girl who cycles knows the woes of having to pee mid ride, what its like when you are suffering from that time of the month, and the embarrassment of pulling your stuff out of your jersey pocket, only to have a tampon land on the table. They are great at helping you kick the shit out of your funk and they love cake, just as much as me.

So it only seemed appropriate that as I love my girls, and cake, and chocolate, that when I was asked to have a ride up Shap with a lovely lady, I shuttered, made myself sick with worry, but after the promise of visiting the chocolate factory at Orton, I gave in. I did make it up Shap (fuck you funk) and indeed made it to the chocolate factory.Unfortunately our ride was cut short when one of the riders came off her bike, with an almighty bounce! (actually lots of bounces) Fortunately she is ok, I imagine just sore and in need of a new crash hat. But hey, it means that we will do that ride again, and it also means another stop at the chocolate factory too.

And then there is Angels, Fight Club and Breakaway. Sufferfest workouts for the turbo to help you royally kick the February Funks little ass! Some cyclists poo poo turbo, stating stupid things like "weather makes a cyclist" Well, I dont like the cold, or frozen rain, and cold fuckin wind, so turbo at least keeps my legs spinning. And if you have done a Sufferfest workout you do more then bloody spin, you sweat, swear and even sometimes, throw up a little in your mouth.

So Funky February! You may have just met your match! A few friends and a few rides and February will be long and truly over!

So off the sofa I get! See you all out on the roads.

Funky February

February is here sooner then I can wash my knickers, but unfortunately so is the February funk. Actually occurring a bit sooner then usual.


I hate February, its a useless month, and generally, although the shortest, feels like the longest.


And now, in my funk, I am realizing that everyone around me is increasing their cycling miles and hours. No one is scared of the risk of ice which is still around and I constantly hear or read "rode 50 miles in 2 hours and it felt great" Well la de da to you!!! Im so glad you can ride so many miles in so little time!!! And Im ever so glad you feel so great when I feel so low! Oh and whilst your at it, why not try add that stupid, intolerable saying "dont worry, you've got time, its not spring yet" whilst you waffle on about how much time you have had on your bike this week,


Its fucking winter! The other day I went out on my road bike, only to have to help pick up an unknown cyclist off the pavement after he slid across the ice. I had to dodge a serious amount of old and now ever so new potholes brought on by the shit winter, and my cheeks were colder then an Inuits igloo. Alright it didnt feel so bad, and its always nice to be on the bike.


Then there's always the alternative, the turbo in the spare room. Discovering The Sufferfest has proved a good workout and may be a good way to keep pedalling whilst keeping warm.


But the one thing I guess I need is to get out of this funk. Easier said then done.


Not working is not a great motivator. Some say "how lucky" but I think being unemployed without a lot of cash to live comfortably is not enjoyable. Others say "you can cycle anytime you want!" Very true, but again, being in a funk means its hard to get motivated, and it can get rather lonely getting out on your own all the time.


And even cake is no longer playing its comfort game.


So what happens now? Maybe as I have just accumulated a new mtb I should get out more on that? Or continue river laps on the cx bike to help me with this funk. Or is it spending more time with friends to compensate for the fact that most days I spend by myself. Oh and if you know me well enough, time on my own can be my own worse enemy. I make up scenarios in my head and then convince myself that they are bound to be true.


I know I shouldn't worry to much about my riding, not like Im ever going to be very good at it, and Im never going to be a racer, but I dont want to be left behind, and whilst everyone else is building up their miles im sadly being left on my own, and soon I wont be able to ride with anyone without holding them back.

So I am back to the beginning, everyone increasing their mileage and me pedalling backwards.So if anyone knows the cure for my Funk, I would be greatly appreciative if you shared it with me. And if you dont have a cure then please dont brag about how great it felt to do 50 miles in 2 hours. Thanks

2011 The Year of the Bike

Oh joy! January has arrived and not a minute to soon. 2010 wasn't the greatest year for certain parts of my life but when it came to cycling it wasn't that bad.

It started out horrendous with illnesses and injuries but I got there in the end, and the best part was the people I met and the riding I accomplished.

So 2011 brings all sorts of new things, and again I have begun it with a downer. A cold over Christmas that hasn't really disappeared and unfortunately my hand/wrist is causing me all sorts of bother. But hey, I'm a girl, I can handle it.

So where do I start? Turbo? Oh how fun. I don't understand how people can like the turbo. Ok so it keeps you warm, but its noisy (sounds like an airplane taking off when your cadence is high) you pedal forever and you dont get anywhere (feels like certain road rides last year), you dont get to rest going downhill (ok so some of you continue to pedal going down too, why???) you dont get to wear all your fancy waterproof, winter kit, you are all alone and there is no cake or Illy.

But turbo may be a good place to start, bring up my fitness after almost 3 weeks with a cold/virus.

I could then get on my cx bike, ok so season is over but I'm not a racer so does it really matter? Besides no ones going to see me and it saves having to get the road bike off the turbo. And besides, my new stem has finally arrived and I can finally finish it off completely.

I also purchased a new MTB frame (yes yes I have no job and yet I buy a new frame, you would to for £275) so I can build that up and hit the trails. But I dont like going out on the mtb by myself, Im a bit scared that I will fall off (always do) and have no one there to feel sorry for me.

So 2011 what will it bring? My first sportive? Hope to do the Le Terrier in June, and we will see what other ones come up. Get more confident on the mtb and kill reds (ROAR), lose a stone (lol lol lol lol lol lol) not eat as much cake ( dont be so fucking stupid) and my main goal, to do a 100 mile ride in the Kendal area.

So wish me luck making 2011 my year of the bike.

cycling winter blues

The weather has gone fucking cold, but I prepared myself early for this. I built a cx bike to not only use off road but to also use as a safer way to ride out when there's a bit of frost, or muck, or even snow on the roads. Then Paul lent me winter tyres, the ones with lil spikes, to use on the mtb, allowing me to safely get about and keep fit without using the turbo. But the one thing that I forgot to prepare for was the lack of self motivation I tend to suffer from.

Someone should have warned me that lack of motivation leads to ass growth, ever disappearing fitness and more lack of motivation.

In two weeks I have barely been out, and haven't once yet set up the turbo. And now I feel like crap. So disappointed in myself and pissed off that Ive spent all this money to ensure I keep my fitness and here I am, sat on my sofa, writing a blog after a weekend full of takeaways and Xmas party dinners. I feel like one of those people with all the kit and no fucking clue.

I could blame so many things. Being unemployed is becoming a bit of a let down. I set foot in the Job centre for the first time last week and felt and was treated like scum of the earth. My hands have been so fucking sore lately that its finally starting to keep me up at night again. Im tired of riding on my own. I suck. But I know the main reason is because I have just gotten lazy.

So how do you motivate yourself? Its -5 outside, there's snow, and turbo numbs my already failing brain. Whats the trick?

I didn't want this winter to be like last years. I spent the majority of my time fighting off illnesses and when It came to spring I was so unfit it took all bloody summer to get to a point where I was sort of becoming confident.

I cant ride in groups because everybody is way stronger then me. I wanted to use this winter to train hard so I wasn't dropped all the time. So I wasn't ashamed of my riding ability. So what can I do?

Where do you start? When Its so easy to make excuses, how do you change your train of thought?

I am suffering from some serious cycling winter blues.

MTB and CX winter style

Winter is here. The frost on the windscreens was the first clue. Lucky I ride a bike so I don't have to scrape the cold stuff off to see out. But the first part of winter wasn't to bad, mostly cold, rainy and well muddy.

So the second time I went off on the cx bike I tried riding in mud. I SUCK! Well my tyres weren't the best, and I'm still not great at handling a bike in the mud, my back end was sliding around like a fat lady covered in oil on a slip n slide. I need to learn to trust myself, but I always panic, scream, and put a foot down. And by the way, putting your foot down in mud is a stupid idea!! And the sound it makes when you pull your foot out of the mud, well if you've had crazy wet sex you know exactly what I mean :-/

The cx bike also needs new tyres, riding through grassy fields and sheep shit and I collected all of it on my front tyre and had to scrape the shit off with a stick. Oh and as I'm sure I wrote in a previous blog, I couldn't fucking stop! So muddy feet, sheep shit, grass, cold air and I was still happier then a kid in a candy shop.

So the first major snow fall and learning to ride a mtb in snow was the next step. Hmmm not to clever in mud, will snow be any different? Yep you don't get as dirty when you fall on your ass! And wow do you fall on your ass!!! But hey at least its a soft landing.

I didn't think snow would be that hard going, but it was. Another back end wobbly. How the hell do you control your back end?? They should make Imodium for bikes :) or maybe I should stop being such a loser? I did have good riding partners though.

So yesterday after some studded tyres were fitted on the mtb I chose to ride to Brockhole to watch a cx race. Riding on hard crusty snow, sucks! All over the place, getting stuck in icy rutts, vibrating over icy footprints, then sliding around in the slushy parts, and it wouldn't seem to me it would be a soft landing. Good thing I stayed upright!!

Oh and winter riding. How many fucking layers? I now say, enough so you can still kinda pedal! I was cold, cold, cold. Next time Im wearing more layers! I don't care if I look like a blimp! As long as I can pedal!

So riding in the winter, FUN!!! Sometimes scary! Always cold. But hey if your pedalling then who the fuck cares.

a year in review (what I have learned)

So a season of rides after work is over, as darkness approaches I think back to the beginning of the year, and to all the things I've learned about learning to ride.



1. You fall off

Thats right, Even if you keep pedalling eventually you will hit pavement, or rock, or mud, or gravel, or tree root, or grass. At times it will hurt like a son of a bitch and the language that spews from your mouth will be worse then the kids on my estate. Other times you will just feel like an idiot when for the 5th time in a row you have fallen over sideways because you just cant figure out the mud thing. But the most dangerous part of falling is the way it can kill your confidence, so dont let it, swear loudly and carry on riding.



2. Its still expensive

Oh my god!!! Seriously! It should be illegal how much this costs! The words How Much?! seems to be heard loudly when my credit card bill arrives. But I just cant help it. They can be so irresistible all shiny and new, staring at me on the Internet web pages, begging to be used. *sigh* And then you say "well why dont you stop spending?" or "stop looking on the Internet then" Well you try it! I challenge you... do not buy any cycle related anything for at least 2 weeks... can you do it?



3.You need more then you think you do

And cue the credit cards and internet. Ok so some people think they can get away with one of everything. Really?? One?? Oh wait that must mean you only have one bike, and you only ride once per week then? I thought I would never need things like chamois cream, until that is, I wore a very questionable pair of padded shorts that ended up with rubbing worse then that of a clueless teenage boy looking for the clitoris :-/ And do I really need 4 pairs of gloves? Yep, actually i could use 5, cue credit cards and internet. And again, how many pairs of cycling shoes/boots do you need. Well I have 4 bikes so 4 pairs?? Oh and see thats the other thing about needing more then you think you do. One bike is never enough but even with 4 bikes Im already thinking I need one more.



4.You may alienate friends and loved ones

I really enjoy my time on the bike, and since cycling is a newer thing to me, my previous friends dont quite get the attraction, or maybe its that the majority of them are just lazy. I dont generally drink that much especially if im on the bike the next day, and Ive quit smoking, apparently losing my appeal to my mates in the mean time. But cycling has also brought me new and fabulous people into my life, 80% ive yet to meet in person but hey, at least then they cant stop liking me because Im not ordering several bottles of Peroni at the bar (can someone please explain the Peroni thing to me, there are several much better tasting things out there)

5.Tantrums are a fact of life

Kick, scream, swear, cry, moan, sniffle, gripe, laugh historically, wave fists in air, give folk the finger, all part of daily life of a cyclists. I have gotten quite good at tantrums. Screaming I AM SHIT loud enough for the NW to hear has become my trademark. I cry oh my do I cry. Somedays I even consider selling the bloody things and taking up knitting, then again Im sure I would be shit at that too. Im not sure whats more frustrating and what causes more tantrums, road or mtb??? Im sure maybe cx will prove to push me over the edge and I will end up crying like a little baby cuz I JUST CANT FUCKING STOP!!!

6. People who drive cars are idiots

FFS!!! I cannot ride on the pavement, Road Tax dosn't exist, you can see me, yes you bitch this is a cycle lane, I am allowed in pedestrian only area's of Kendal, I dont need to get off the road, I am not a bitch (ok I am but they dont know that) and I am on a real bike. I am tired of cars parking in the cycle lane, there are only 2 in the whole of Kendal so im sure the lard asses can park somewhere else. And why the need to pass so close, or so fast???? Bloody retards in a vehicle encased in protection bullying a lil lady on a bike, your so fucking tough arent you!? Well stop your white van and I will kick you in the bollocks, now you aint so tough!

7. You can do more then you think you can

Ok so Im not ever going to win the TDF or for that matter the local Tour de Staveley, but I can get up a hill. I may not be fast but im slow and im not in a hurry so I guess it dosent really matter. I still panic a bit when I see a big hill ahead, or a steep decent. Im not to good at rock drops or keeping upright in mud, but I still push on and I still try, and occasionally I surprise myself (and others im sure)

8. Somedays you need to put down the bike

There are somedays when your legs ache or other body parts, or when your motivation has disappeared along with one of your favorite socks, the weather is insane, or your having a 'special' day. Its ok to put the bike down, curl up under the duvet and relax. Some people may tell you things like "getting out will do you good" or "stop being such a wimp" generally these are men, I say, again, kick then in the bollocks and they wont be out on the bike either.

9. Woman specific ranges are still pink

How many times do I need to tell you that I really dont like pink. But what actually is starting to annoy me more is the woman who wear a size 8-10 asking me "why do you find it so hard to find womans cycle clothing?" well you skinny bitch, grow some tits and an ass and then try again! There is stuff that fits me, but I have to purchase an XL, how is that supposed to make me feel good about myself??? And If I have to wear an XL being a size 14 what do woman who have bigger hips or chest have to wear?? So skinny girls, please dont brag about your huge array of choices to me, I may sit on you!

10. Cycling is the most brilliant hobby

Ok so I may moan a bit, but a the end of the day, what other sport can make you set goals, get fit, socialize, climb mountains, soar over hills, wade through water, and fill your days and nights with so much enjoyment you never want to go inside. If it wasnt for cycling I wouldnt have much to do with my time, (I may have more money) and I would have never met the most amazing group of people I have ever known. Thanks to cycling I have figured out a bit more about who I am and what I love most.

I built a bike (sort of)

Well its been a few months since that cx Dolan Frame arrived. A typical Dolan Frame, black with white transfers. Oh but being a girl I had another colour in mind. Green with white forks!!!(no bloody pink!)

I sent it for a paint and whilst waiting for it to be returned I took redundancy and shopped online for parts.

The original plan was to buy used on eBay. Ooops :-/ well the wheels were used.

But the credit card was happy and soon it was time to put it together. So I learned how to build a bike in stages.

Stage 1: Have someone with you that knows what they are doing.
Seriously there are bits on a bike that look they belong in a car! And the parts have to point various ways and fit in various holes?????

Stage 2: Your going to eventually get your hands dirty and greasy.
I don't mind getting my hands dirty but I would prefer not to, and isn't greasing holes something that normally a man is better at???

Stage 3: Have someone who has the right tools
I really didn't want to have to buy torque wrench thingies, chain putter onners, wire cutters??

Stage 4: Patience, patience, patience
How many fucking Allen keys does it bloody take to put a bike together!!! You need plenty of patience just to find a key that fits the part! And then you have to tighten one side then the other then return to other side WTF??

Stage 5: Realize that your not done spending money yet
Something is bound to fail when building a bike and you are destined to have to purchase another part, or return something that isn't working. Keep your credit card handy and beg your local bike shop or Internet sight for discounts

Stage 6: Be very nice to the person helping you
Buy cake and make sure the kettle is always boiling. Don't piss off the help by whinging or refusing to grease bits!

Stage 7: Try not to squeal so much when its almost ready!
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
When can I ride??? Is it ready yet???? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE its so pretty!!!!!

Stage 8: Enjoy it!
I had so much fun building it! Now I get to ride it!!!

So for my first outing on the cx Hutty and I went for a blast around Keilder. Not a technical course at all but a beautiful 25 miles around the lake on a sunny cold winter day. And I got my first puncture too! The bikes not completely finished yet, a few tweaks required. But all in all its mine and my first build!

So this winter I will get muddy, learning to ride cx style!

learning to ride part 3

This has been a week of learning.

On Monday I learned that even on the nicest day, if you've had 2 days of mountain biking and have a bit of a sore knee, a day off is required.

On Tuesday I learned to dress waterproof style. I stayed very dry in my layers of waterproof kit, I probably looked like a right idiot but hey, I ride so fast no one even notices me anyways :)

Then on Wednesday I failed at not overdressing and had to sweat my way around the Staveley loop. But how on earth do you get it right anyways? I either wear way to much and sweat until my ass itches or I wear to little and shiver until my neck seizes in tension.

Then on Thursday I rode up Kirkstone for a second time. This time it rained, or poured actually and a trip down 'The Struggle' proved a bit to painful for my hands. The one great thing I have learned is using the F word to my advantage when trying to complete a steep climb. You can exhale the word FUCK so graciously and it just rolls out of your lungs therefore never wasting any of that crucial breath. I managed Kirkstone without my Guru as well, but I did have some pretty fabulous company. I have learned though that I am never going to be a pro racer, or even any sort of racer. I will keep my ability to a few sportifs and rides with friends and realize that swiftness is probably not my thing. So I will get up the climbs you may just have to wait at the top for me.

On Friday, with tender legs, I decided to mount the mountain bike and visit the other side of Kentmere. So the Guru (Paul) warned me a bit. Letting me know its a bit more technical then the other side and there are a few rivets, but its pretty grassy with a bit of mud in sections. Looking back on this advice I should have really pressed further for more info, but hey, If I had then this wouldn't have been as interesting as a read.

Well the other side of Kentmere is interesting. How the fuck do you ride in rivets and mud anyways!!! It wasn't mountain biking it was mud wrestling!! I did almost kick some serious ass on a rocky climb, only putting my foot down at the last pedal when I had a serious slip of the back wheel. It was entertaining (for Paul at least). The best thing is the grass, its so soft, so 5 falls on my ass meant it didn't really hurt anything but my confidence. And I'm not really quite sure how I fell. Just couldn't get going, to easy of a gear, a bit of a skid, and a fall over. Each time getting more and more frustrated. This is why swearing is a vocabulary required when learning how to ride mountain bike style. I think I may have scared a few sheep. I walked allot. Thank god for the best mtb boots I have ever purchased. My feet stayed dry even after wading through puddles and wrestling in the mud.

But I made it, and what did I learn from Fridays lesson? I think I will leave that ride alone until the mud dries, the creeks ease and I learn how to handle the bike in rivets. And to stay in on Saturday and rest your sore ass and legs of lead.

October belongs to learning and girls

Well October has been quite a month. I went to London for the first time but managed to spend most of my time at the cycle show. It was a bit of an eye opener, a bit of a let down, but with a little positive spin on things. I saw alot of bikes and alot of kit for a lot of men, not so much on the female side though. Even some of the woman I met wernt so forth coming with information. Maybe woman dont want anymore competition in a male dominated work place? Ahh well theres always room for one more.



I then took a trip to Paris, where there is romance everywhere. I spent plenty of time watching the world go by and plenty of brave people on bikes fight with the traffic. The one thing I noticed was the amount of woman who ride, actually more then the men. Most with single speed or 3 speed bikes that look like they could fall apart with each pedal stroke. But they ride. And the most annoying part, they look fucking fabulous whilst doing it.

Im still learning to ride. Returned to Newcastleton for a lesson in NOT putting your foot down and choosing lines that are actually achievable of riding. Had a spotter though as Paul stood by the rocks waiting to catch me if I were to fall, lol mountain biking is a hard sport to learn!!!!

Had my first group ride this month as well. 9 tweeters headed out into the cold for some gossiping and of course cake, nom nom nom. Fuck me though, one thing I learned is I still tire easily as I was left for dust by the end :( did kinda make me want to chuck the bike in the river. And the worst bit was at the end everyone fed themselves on bacon butties at Wilfs. I Hate bacon butties. They are shit. Oh but besides getting my fat ass royally kicked on the ride I did enjoy myself. And the mozzarella and tomato sandwich I bought at artisan whilst watching the peasants eat there gross sarnies was beautiful.

The one noticeable thing on the tweet up ride was the amount of mountain bikers in the Wheelbase parking lot. They were mostly woman! Well actually Paul noticed first as his eyeballs were constantly popping out of his head. Im actually glad it wasnt something else that was popping out as that would have been most interesting in lycra shorts :-/But there were woman everywhere and on half decent bikes too.

And then today I visited Whinlatter and to be honest the woman out numbered the boys :) It was brilliant to see. Especially as it was a lovely cold day, which kinda goes against what that boy from Endura was waffling on about at the cycle show. Woman are kicking ass on the trails and the road!

So next month will bring learning to ride cyclocross style, but for now Im continuing my cycling education. Pushing myself just a little and making room for more and more woman to join in. Soon we will overtake the boys and demand better bikes with better spec and better fucking kit! With no pink! Thats right boys move over, girls with attitude have discovered cycling!

cycle show day 1

Have you ever gotten so excited about something that you could almost pee in your pants?

How many times have you been disappointed with the result?

It was my first cycle show today. Actually it was my first of any show today.

I pictured freebies, interesting conversations, loads and loads of cycling kit and new styles and inventions. I thought I would be able to make contacts and maybe find out about a career in cycling. I thought I would have peed my pants at least once.

Well *sigh* not what I had expected.

The first meeting I had thought I had arranged was a no show, not even a call or text to say they wernt going to be able to see me. My second meeting at least had the decency to call me and arrange for tomorrow morning.

So safe to say my knickers were in a bit of a knot, and wearing skinny jeans I was finding it a bit difficult to untie them.

But hey, Im in a huge room full of bikes and kit. I guess I can sort this out myself.

My first lovely meeting was with Danny and it was lovely to chat. A young man working for Singer Cycles with a passion for bikes and huge hopes of making it pro someday. The Singer stand was very popular with vintage style bikes, restored and resold to loving owners who were stood around reminiscing on their bikes of the past. It was a pleasure to see and listen to the men and woman discussing their first bikes and what has happened to them over the years.

I also met a team from Shutt Velo Rapide. Beautifully styled jerseys created with attention to detail and passion. Real people, not a sales guy hired to talk shit and sell you something that has no use in your life. They listened to my thoughts and they paid attention to me, they seemed rather interested in what I had to say.



And then there was the lad from Endura. Seriously a huge ass! I asked a simple question and gave a simple opinion. Why are there no waterproof tights or shorts in the woman's range? Look at the size of the options available for woman, in all honesty its rather pants.



Ok so the word pants probably wasn't that professional but seriously, 1 rack of shit woman's range with every item having some form of pink on it or bright yellow jackets. But it was his reply that left me speechless. Apparently there is no market for woman cycling kit because not enough woman are interested in cycling. If Endura were to increase their woman's range they could go under by the winter. He also said that they have found that woman stop cycling when it gets cold and dark and the weather gets worse??? I didn't quite know what to say, to I just said thanks for all your help and walked away.



Normally I would have told him where he could shove his womans range but I had to consider that I was in a professional environment and I needed to contain myself. What it does also mean is that I can compose a loving and tender letter to Endura describing my disappointment in their sales staff and their lack of respect for woman in cycling. I will also probably never buy Endura kit again. Tosser!



So although I felt rather let down by certain people today, but I felt rather uplifted by those who I could have real conversations with.



Although I dont feel any closer to a career in cycling I feel that a few more ideas have been created in my head that I may be able to work with.



Oh and to those who disappointed me, I am blowing raspberries your way!!!

learning to ride mtb style

Its been a few months since my visit to Keilder where I had a wee crash. Funny when you have a good fall how much your confidence can be knocked. All my hard work shoved aside by a stupid mistake on a steep downhill section.

So I begin again, learning how to ride a bike mtb style.

A visit to Ae on my birthday didnt help my confidence. An impossible red meant walking my bike and using an escape route back to the parking lot. But an introduction to Kentmere was enough to remind me how much fun a mtb ride can be.

So Saturdays trip took me to Newcastleton with Paul. Although some folk would say the trail lacked thrills I figuer it was just what the doctor ordered. A trail with flow, fucking finally!!! No steep bloody drops and large boulders placed in the centre of the trail to irratate even the most accomplished rider, and cleverly placed chicken runs for those like me who are learning to ride a bike.

Ok so I will admit its not really a red, but then again some reds really should be blacks so, fuck it, incorrect trail grading is a 7 stanes style. Plus i liked it. Couldnt really care less about what anyone else thinks of it, I would prefer less asses on the trail anyways.

Newcastleton was friendly, fun, and a pleasant ride. Its helped me bed into the bike rather nicely and its promised me that it will be just as nice to me when I return.

So for all of you thrill seekers and downhillers, stay away from Newcastleton, all you will do is whinge that it isnt "fun enough" or maybe that "theres not enough downhill sections" and I hate to hear people whinge ;) And to be completely honest I really dont want to share my new friendly trail with you.